Making Sense of Your Child's 504: Three Types of Parents

Many parents we work with have kids with a 504 Plan.

A 504 is a legal document outlining accommodations designed to support students with a condition (like ADHD, anxiety, or diabetes) that impacts their learning or school life.

Parents generally fall into one of three archetypes in their approach to the 504:

The "New and Eager" Parent

These parents have recently obtained a 504 or they've just decided to become experts on every detail. They know exactly what's written into the plan (extended deadlines, reduced assignments, extra time on tests) but they're not yet sure how to put all of this into practice across seven or eight different teachers.

They ask questions like:

“We know Sophie gets extra time and fewer math problems, but realistically: how do we make sure every teacher follows through consistently? We're both working full-time; managing it all feels overwhelming.”

If this sounds like you, first off know you're in good shape. Your awareness is an advantage. But: Don't assume teachers remember or fully internalize the details of the 504. They have a lot going on. Politely but consistently remind them, advocate proactively, and build a clear communication routine (short emails work great).

Over time, your teen should learn how to do this. (We can work with them.)

The "Forgetful Veteran" Parent

These parents have had the 504 in place for years. Life moves quickly, though, and the details fade into the background. Maybe they never fully internalized the specifics, or maybe they didn’t want the 504 to define their child's experience. Suddenly, they look up mid-semester to see their kid drowning in missing assignments or barely hanging on with C’s and D’s.

These parents say things like:

“Honestly, I forgot the 504 even said he could retake quizzes and turn in work late. We just never thought to push that."”

My suggestion: Take another look at that 504 plan, or have someone do it for you. It might hold precisely the tools you need to help your child bounce back. You might feel reluctant to "push," and we respect that. There’s a tactful way to go about it.

The "Reluctant User" Parent

These parents know what's in the 504 and understand its benefits, but they also fear over-reliance.

They don't want their junior or senior to develop a crutch mentality as college applications approach. They worry about weaponizing accommodations instead of developing independent, resilient habits.

They often express sentiments like:

“Sure, Liam's allowed extended deadlines, but at some point, he's got to learn to hit the standard deadlines too. We want him prepared for college, not just getting by.”

Over-relying on a 504 can be a problem. Often there’s a middle ground. Think of the 504 as scaffolding - temporary, adjustable support that helps your child gradually become more independent.

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Bottom line -

• Use the 504 thoughtfully. It exists for good reason, and failing to leverage it when necessary leaves potential help on the table.

• Use it with integrity, and don’t be afraid to “push.” Holding your child to higher standards and occasionally "nudging" them out of their comfort zone can coexist alongside appropriate accommodations.

• Check in regularly. Your child's needs change. Continually reassess whether the plan’s provisions still work for your teen.

A 504 plan isn't meant to be either ignored or weaponized. Used wisely, it’s a tool to help kids build the skills and confidence they need for long-term independence.