Struggling with Homework? Change the Environment, not the Kid
Kids tell us "homework takes an hour or two."
But these aren't real measurements - they're just a feel. There aren't kids with stopwatches timing themselves.
Homework time varies wildly. It spikes when papers are due or before big tests. There are sometimes “very light weeks.” But regardless of the assignment, two things are consistently hard:
Getting started (the friction is real)
Staying focused once they've begun (even harder)
This creates a weird measurement problem: does homework "start" when they meant to begin, or when they actually opened the assignment? The gap between these two points can be huge.
Both challenges can be "solved" - to an extent - by changing the environment rather than trying to change your teen.
Four Principles That Sometimes Work
1. Phones away.
This is the most important by far. It doesn't mean that it solves everything. It just significantly reduces the friction for when your mind is telling you that it's bored. You can't go for your phone if there's some cue - an Alexa alarm, some kind of reminder - that it's 8 PM, time for phones away. And then try to lock in.
2. Pick a time.
They have tennis practice from 3:30 to 5:30. Shower, and then you have dinner as a family from 6 to 7. Maybe things run a little overtime. Set the Alexa alarm for 8 PM.
One family I coach decided homework time would always be from 8:00–9:30. Phones off, same spot, every night. Initially, there was resistance. Sophie complained, "What if I finish early? What if I have nothing to do?" The family decided this: even if homework only takes 15 minutes, the rest of that time is for puzzles, reading, sketching - anything offline.
3. If your teen can bear it: Make it Visible.
One client "Jack" has a regular nightly homework block at the kitchen table.
It's out in the open, in full view of the family.
It's less tempting to drift off into distraction when you're "out" in your house.
Of course teens love to retire to their rooms. And some work very productively there. But if you can encourage them to be out in full view of everyone else. Not being surveilled, just 'there.'
4. Know that routines break. Begin again, and again, and again, and again.
Again - just keep coming and coming and coming back to it every night. It won't go perfectly. Your teen will be tired some nights. Soccer practice runs late, or you catch the flu. Kids get frustrated because a routine built around predictability can collapse with a single sick day or an unexpected trip.
You don't fix procrastination by becoming a superhuman teen who never feels lazy. You fix it by setting a regular time, regular place, predictable routine, and zero friction.
But just begin again. It's all good. Keep coming back to the routine. If you find that it's not working for you, tweak it. Don't abandon wholesale.
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Instagram / YouTube / TikTok / Scrolling == probably can't be "out-willpowered," on average.
So you try to engineer an environment that makes good choices unconscious and automatic. Change the context first, and perhaps the kid will follow.
